♥ When You Leave Me
I Will Still Pray For You.
I Will Still Pray For You.
♥ Wednesday, December 23, 2009
& im lost.
sorrty for being lost for a long time. gosh so dusty man my blog. never mind. i will start blogging again. soon. so wait and catch up ayte. no worries. i would still be here. love you readers. :)
So Hurt
@ 17:19
♥ Wednesday, November 4, 2009
& i will always..
I've been in love before
but never quite like this
I've felt the burn before
but never this intense
I hope that you're 'the one'
that this is the end for me
I know that I don't want to run
and that says a lot to me
I'm in it for the long haul
I hope you feel the same
I wish that you could hear
the way my heart whispers your name
The way that it pounds
just from the sound of your voice
Everytime that I hear it
I simply rejoice
I want you to want me
the way that I want you
And believe in your heart
I'll always be true
but never quite like this
I've felt the burn before
but never this intense
I hope that you're 'the one'
that this is the end for me
I know that I don't want to run
and that says a lot to me
I'm in it for the long haul
I hope you feel the same
I wish that you could hear
the way my heart whispers your name
The way that it pounds
just from the sound of your voice
Everytime that I hear it
I simply rejoice
I want you to want me
the way that I want you
And believe in your heart
I'll always be true
So Hurt
@ 00:23
♥ Thursday, October 29, 2009
& i made this.
"I remember that day when we came to know each other
We had a good chat and shared with all our views
That day and night, I could not sleep and kept on watching
all those stars in the sky and thinking of you
The moments we shared were so special and unforgettable
You were so shy and young to say or do anything about it
I felt that I was in love with you
I want to tell you that how much I love you
I want to tell you what I feel for you
I want to tell you that when I think of you my heart twist inside
But at that time I thought it was to soon to tell you
Since I was always busy with my son, I could not meet you
My days have past with your loving thoughts
I was counting my days to get back to you
and tell you what was stored in my mind for only you
I felt my warm of love with you would melt the winter snows
Suddenly I received a message from your friend
that you had an accident and died in the hospital
I was so shocked and a tear runs down my cheek
My dream with you was shattered and everything
I believed is not here, you have gone to heaven
I know deep in my soul that I will not see you until it's my time
Before I start my love with you, I have lost my love
Now I sit all alone in my room as memories unfold
May be you might hear my cry and beating of my heart in pain forever
I miss you my love where ever you are always"
We had a good chat and shared with all our views
That day and night, I could not sleep and kept on watching
all those stars in the sky and thinking of you
The moments we shared were so special and unforgettable
You were so shy and young to say or do anything about it
I felt that I was in love with you
I want to tell you that how much I love you
I want to tell you what I feel for you
I want to tell you that when I think of you my heart twist inside
But at that time I thought it was to soon to tell you
Since I was always busy with my son, I could not meet you
My days have past with your loving thoughts
I was counting my days to get back to you
and tell you what was stored in my mind for only you
I felt my warm of love with you would melt the winter snows
Suddenly I received a message from your friend
that you had an accident and died in the hospital
I was so shocked and a tear runs down my cheek
My dream with you was shattered and everything
I believed is not here, you have gone to heaven
I know deep in my soul that I will not see you until it's my time
Before I start my love with you, I have lost my love
Now I sit all alone in my room as memories unfold
May be you might hear my cry and beating of my heart in pain forever
I miss you my love where ever you are always"
-SyazieRebel
So Hurt
@ 16:29
♥
"will you be the one to hold my hand and lead me to happiness?"
So Hurt
@ 15:29
♥ Tuesday, October 27, 2009
& how i wish.
missing you. and it happen. yes it did. i did not wish too. but it did. im all over myself now. how am i suppose too. never mind i know im strong enough to stand on my own. ilovedyou. do you still..?
my son turn 2months today. time flies so fast that ive watch him grow so fast. now im searching for a permanent night shift job. mummy witll be taking over him at night and me working in the night to find money to buy his stuff. how i wish things never happened. but there isnt any use of regrets as im kind off happy with life myself i guessed. im learning each and every pieces which shattered my heart throughout the exprience im through. my son his just so demanding and always expect me to be right next to him all time. and i hardly complete my chores at times. he will feel unsecure without me right by his side. but who cares no matter how demanding he can be i am still gonna be right by his side. i want to watch him grow till my last breath. son i love you and never will ever love anyone more than you. you're the apple of my eyes. the smile on my face. the joy in me. everything the reason comes from only you Aqeef Nufail. iloveyou.
"guys? how i wish things never been this way. but whats the use of regrets.
it leads you to nothing. but just keep on having sadness in your eyes.
but still i will still pray for the day that a sincere and faithful guy who would be mine.
till the last breath of mine. Dear Allah i pray to you and seek for your advice, to still stand strong and go through life with full of hopes & dreams. just like before. cause i know,
you're the only one who will know what i've been through."
So Hurt
@ 11:39
♥ Monday, October 26, 2009
& got my new phone. :)
at last got myself a new hp a phone ive been Aiming for. Wee.. Im jumping with joy now, wadeva i need in its all im the phone now. E63 nokia for all i know they got only 3 colours. But the luck of mine was there yesterday. Ive got myself a white one which just cme out several days ago. Weeehoooo.. Well im sorry that ive not been blogging this days.. As im busy with my daily lifestyle now. That im lazy to update nomore, well there isnt any intresting thing had happen to me the past few days. But yet, something bad happen.. Ok ckp ape ni?? Hahaha.. Nahh actually i was almost hit by a car n be dead now, but to allah's will and love i am still alive. The car is so fast that it almost hit me but luckily the driver step onto the emergency break that it hit my knees and i fall.. Well knees arw hurting but i still van bare the pain.
So Hurt
@ 10:46
♥ Wednesday, October 21, 2009
& just for the one & only.
Nobody Home Guitar Cover -
"You were on my mind when i woke up this morning
remembering your smile
i guess the next time i'll see your face
will take a little while
i was remembering your arms around me
love the way they always feel warm
with you by my side i completely feel no harm
i was remembering your voicemakes my heart skip a beat
but without you baby
my whole body's weak was remembering our times
the good and the bad
the funny times when you cheered me up and especially the sad
remembering your eyes
how they always meet mine
remembering all the little things you do to make my life worthwhile
i was wondering when we'll be together just us two
i guess i'm missing you more than i usually do"
-SyazieRebel
So Hurt
@ 18:42
♥
will miss lying next to you. kisses. hugs. evrything from you.
you will be off to camp this friday. alone again outside. how am i supposed to express this feelings.
this feelings are just so complicated. now feeling so scared.
scared of losing and missing you.
im all alone and no one is right next to me.
no one to spend my time with.
no one to make me smile and cheer up anymore.
no one to tickle and kiss and hug me.
no one to make me be comfortable of being myself.
who can replace his place. i dont know.
i dont think anyone can. how and why those this have to happen.
ok i know its just like as if his going far away from me.
but the fact is his going just to camp to serve his NS.
thats all.
and im all getting paranoid. i guessed im nuts.
am i. he might be laughing over reading this blog i bet.
hahah. but who cares. he knows i care and will miss him.
missing him has always been.
thought of meeting him tonight but i cant i am feeling tired today.
and actually i myself have no cash. what am i suppose to do if we were to meet up.
with no cash, smokes NOTHING left.
its gonna be BOREDOM!!
i swear....
haish.. im just so all so jumbled within myself.
how am i supposed to face the world standing again.
i bet i can i know i can. i think so.hmmm...
well in just words i can say.
"dear, i miss you so and i will always will... as long as i cant bare the pain and miss i will still be right here waiting for you."
below here is my son new video nothing better to do. so took a quick video of his.
boring though..
So Hurt
@ 14:41
♥ Sunday, October 18, 2009
& missing him.
yes im missing him. very much.
falling sick like as if im falling apart now.
cant get near my son as im falling sick.
so im missing him so much.
don't get to kissed him even. miss him.
but atleast i get to see him still.
i miss him still. very much like i never miss anyone before.
loving you so much.
taking care of you havent been a problem to me.
as you're very demanding yes you are.
but still you're my one & only.
and no one could replace you.
im glad and feeling appreciated that you're mine.
hope the future for both us will just be fine.
iloveyou son.
you boy missing you. yes missing precious too much.
sorry if at times im being a lil nuisance for you.
but yet you're the smile on my face.
for now im feeling as if im playing pretend.
waiting for your return. missyou so.
now figure whats left in my mine. just you and only you.
how i wish things will always stay like how we want it to be.
insyaallah. i pray things will go smoothly.
come back to me now.
yes now not later.
lets have a happy ending together.
and not have the feelings of it scaring us away.
lets stick together.
thats all i have to say.
i miss you boy.
falling sick like as if im falling apart now.
cant get near my son as im falling sick.
so im missing him so much.
don't get to kissed him even. miss him.
but atleast i get to see him still.
i miss him still. very much like i never miss anyone before.
loving you so much.
taking care of you havent been a problem to me.
as you're very demanding yes you are.
but still you're my one & only.
and no one could replace you.
im glad and feeling appreciated that you're mine.
hope the future for both us will just be fine.
iloveyou son.
you boy missing you. yes missing precious too much.
sorry if at times im being a lil nuisance for you.
but yet you're the smile on my face.
for now im feeling as if im playing pretend.
waiting for your return. missyou so.
now figure whats left in my mine. just you and only you.
how i wish things will always stay like how we want it to be.
insyaallah. i pray things will go smoothly.
come back to me now.
yes now not later.
lets have a happy ending together.
and not have the feelings of it scaring us away.
lets stick together.
thats all i have to say.
i miss you boy.
- SyazieRebel
So Hurt
@ 01:15
♥ Friday, October 16, 2009
& just him.
that thing when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy.
& the only thing in focus is you and that person,
& you realize that this is the only person you should be kissing for the rest of your life,
& for that one moment you get this amazing gift, all cause you feel so lucky
that you've found it,
but so scared that it'll go away at the same time.
- SyazieRebel
So Hurt
@ 22:59
♥
got to know this dude last 2 days. wahdi's his name. currently chatting with him. he introduce me to this avril lavinge song. he wants me to hear the lyrics carefully. i wonder whats his up too. well he said we will take things slow. and not rush. i agreed to what he says too. well his going ns this 23oct. arghh. just got to know and he has to go to ns already. what a life i have. but there is always a word saying. just a phone call away. well missing him now. most probably miting him tonight again. :)
So Hurt
@ 14:22
♥ Wednesday, October 14, 2009
&
you treat me like i was a fool to you. you made me trust you. why in the first place you accepted me back? and after knowing how much i love you, you confessed to me that you're not ready. what do you take me as. boy i love you so and is this what i should get in return. i kept on saying i wanted to do dumb stuff and so i cut myself and bleed myself. you tot i was just joking around. but this time round. i was so true and i did it. to make me feel relieve. if u think wad i say is just not so true i dare to show you more. i cut myself bleed myself drank soap to end my life up. but still im still here. maybe the action is taking to slow. may i should just have a knife on my hand and just stab my self and end it all here. cause i cant bare the pain of getting hurt anymore. no more. it hurt too much that i just cant move on. friends tried to stop me but i still rebel. i just love you too much. and now this is what i get, i hurt a guy who is so innocent loving me. and now this is what i get from you. is it karma. is it so. maybe i dont know. should i just end here people tell me.? havent i have suffered and being totured enough yet.? tell more tell me what should i do now.? all i want is just love and not be lonely. someone tell me please what should i do. tell me now and tell me how. be dead.
you might think ive move on.
i dont know if you will be reading my blog.
i see you move on easily.
yeah i dont mean a thing.
but again.
what you need what you want you've got it.
i got nothing at all nothing.
what am i supposed to say.
you gottha features & figure.
seeing me smile and still being in here.
that doesnt mean ive moved on.
i may seem to be like im moving on but SERIOUSLY no im not.
it isnt easy.
guys come & go.
when they heard my story they say.
i promise i will take care of you and all.
but seriously that is a total BULLSHITS!
yes BULLSHITS!
few minutes they are here and next they are gone.
to ppl out there.
remember ppl we girls are human too.
if i can forgive you guys for being a JERK or a pain in the ARSE!
why cant you guys have this thoughts and thinking that.
"hey, the girls are human too and they have feelings we gottha give them a chance. "
when you were to have a mature thinking you will be having this kindda thinking.
the world is round and no matter what it is round have it goes for a turn.
same like us.
we are human the only difference is you guys have DICKS and girls they have PUSSY.
but both of the parties has feelings.
no matter what whether they are girls or guys.
they have their good and bad sides.
THINK IT OVER AGAIN!
i dont know if you will be reading my blog.
i see you move on easily.
yeah i dont mean a thing.
but again.
what you need what you want you've got it.
i got nothing at all nothing.
what am i supposed to say.
you gottha features & figure.
seeing me smile and still being in here.
that doesnt mean ive moved on.
i may seem to be like im moving on but SERIOUSLY no im not.
it isnt easy.
guys come & go.
when they heard my story they say.
i promise i will take care of you and all.
but seriously that is a total BULLSHITS!
yes BULLSHITS!
few minutes they are here and next they are gone.
to ppl out there.
remember ppl we girls are human too.
if i can forgive you guys for being a JERK or a pain in the ARSE!
why cant you guys have this thoughts and thinking that.
"hey, the girls are human too and they have feelings we gottha give them a chance. "
when you were to have a mature thinking you will be having this kindda thinking.
the world is round and no matter what it is round have it goes for a turn.
same like us.
we are human the only difference is you guys have DICKS and girls they have PUSSY.
but both of the parties has feelings.
no matter what whether they are girls or guys.
they have their good and bad sides.
THINK IT OVER AGAIN!
So Hurt
@ 10:04
♥ Tuesday, October 13, 2009
& love you.
"You truly love each other and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the story books say. And so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will."
would i be love forever like how you want me too.
So Hurt
@ 22:45
♥ Monday, October 12, 2009
& tiring day.
took my son to the hospital as his cough was so bad.pity my son alot. so when to KK and straight to emergency area.registered and off to meet the DOCTOR. so as Aqeef had to have a suction.as he had so much pheglm. *did i spell it right.whutever.* well his feeling better after that. he had a nice rest after all.after taking his medcine. daddy was hungry and so was the rest.we head off to tekkah to have thosai.all of us did not finish our meal as the taste wasnt as good as before.so we did not has the appetite though. than after having our late lunch.off to sengkang to send daddy to polyclinic. as his having flu. so we accompanied daddy. than after that everyone was so damn shag. so we head back home and slack. as i was msging with love i fall asleep half way. sorry baby. i am just too tired. :) but...
dear i swear i love you.
So Hurt
@ 19:44
♥
got back together with him. wel left my son at home with mummy. as he isnt well got permission from mummy to have a rest and have a liil fun with siblings and LOVE. bro and love's bro was with us too. well nothing much to say though just being happy and so IN LOVE all over again. too tired to update though. i just love you dear. :)
so in love.
So Hurt
@ 02:53
♥ Saturday, October 10, 2009
& chopped hair.
okay i chop of my hair. argh! and it suck to the core. my adeq say my hair is like org giler. NBCB! haish. trying to find the stylest way to style my hair. geram ape. actually the hairdresser cut my hair wrongly MCM BODOH! it make me so frustrated! haish. well here are some pictures of my CB hair! and also my one and only son picture. cute kan. his now 1 month plus coming to 2 this coming 27. JYEAH! haha cepat pe. well it hasnt be easy taking care of small one. its really tiring. i hardly have rest as my baby boy his very demanding. and very3 pampered. but i careless. his jjust my one and only. i love him to the core. iloveyou son. and well yesterday, there is this girl who is nan's kecik gf. she was so paranoid thinking that i have an affair with nan. EXCUSE ME. his just a teman boring of mine. and why are you so damn paranoid. goodness you can have him and FCUK HIM ALL OVER YOU WANT. i got nothing to do with him at all. DONT GET PARANOID. so what if his family loves you. well dont here only one side. dont blame me for contacting him. i wasnt the one who started contacting him. so please! he says he doesnt has a gf. and ouh yeah. please also be aware if he has a gf do you think that i would be still hanging around and talking to him. OUH PLEASE i would rather be doing something better and talk to someone who is not attached at all. well not mad at you im not blaming you either. HIS PLAYING AROUND AND TOYING AROUND. well you decide if he is for you. but for all i know i always pray for the best for you. :)
love is so mean at times.
So Hurt
@ 12:55
♥ Thursday, October 8, 2009
& it wasnt me i swear.
sorry the video 'senget'. trust me i didn't bully my son. it was my younger sister. i swear it wasnt my idea. damn her. geram pe. but he looks cute. well brought my son to the clinic as his having flu and cough. well its just a normal one though. ALHAMDULLILLAH. nothing much to update though.
1. KID he is in DB for 40days. well will wait for him to come out than.
2. RYO well his in brunei for 1year. haish. gottha wait lor. have been talking to him this few days. love talking to him. haha.
3. EX BOYFREN ISAAC he just broke up with his gf and is in contact with me back. well just as friends not more.
4. EX BOYFREN WADI he seems to be getting jealous that im so close to KID. haha HELL TO YOU. i dont give a FCUK though.
hmm whats more. i dont think there is anymore to update though. well toodles kindda sleepy now. GOODNYTE.
hate me all you want, cause i dont care.
So Hurt
@ 23:37
♥ Wednesday, October 7, 2009
& the poetry ive made.
…and above allLove is always worth itbecause you become a better personeverytime you love someonefrom the simplest careing for a friendto the deepest desire to love someone til the world endsfrom the unconditional love of a childto the complicated love of the godsthere is…no meaning to love love means everything...
given up but not fully.
fixed me and i'll be yours.
So Hurt
@ 22:49
♥ Tuesday, October 6, 2009
& im an unholy person.
you made me a winner and at the same time you made me a sinner.
you people are just so heartless with a brainless mind.
you made me fall you made me love you.
and ended uup i myself knowing that you already belong to someone.
what is about my life now.
you made me like a fool.
you treat me like a doll.
why should it end up this way.
goodness.
why cant you just let it all out.
you made me want to end up my life.
and i finally told myself i rather be a slut and bitch.
all the guys ive known all seem to be the same.
and now i finally realised that i would just let it be the way it is now.
come to me if you're in need.
i am not running away.
and i guessed you're reading it by now.
ARGH! everyone now is getting on my nerve.
everyone. why cant just someone on earth just understand the situation im in.
why do i have to always let my tears out.
as im updating my blog right now.
tears are rolling down the cheek.
why cant i find someone to just treat me like how i should be treated.
[it easy for everyone to ask me to be strong when i am the on going through all those shits on my own. im all alone going through it. its so tough and you think its easy. everyone asked me to not to find for someone to be in my life. but do you think its easy. I FUCKING HAVE NO ONE TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS AND UNDERSTAND ME. do people around me know what im feeling deep inside. do people around me know all about my life. NO! NO ONE AT ALL. so people you're asking me to do all this. DO YOU EVEN SPARE A THOUGHT FOR ME. have you guys when through what im through now. WILL YOU GUYS BE THERE WHEN IM IN NEED OF YOU GUYS. you guys always say that you guys will be there but DO YOU!!!!!!! WHAT CAN YOU GUYS DO IF YOU'RE THERE YOU GUYS JUST LISTEN!!!!!!!!! THATS ALL!!!!!!!!]
im through all it now. i hate myself. i hate life. dont stop me anymore.
you people are just so heartless with a brainless mind.
you made me fall you made me love you.
and ended uup i myself knowing that you already belong to someone.
what is about my life now.
you made me like a fool.
you treat me like a doll.
why should it end up this way.
goodness.
why cant you just let it all out.
you made me want to end up my life.
and i finally told myself i rather be a slut and bitch.
all the guys ive known all seem to be the same.
and now i finally realised that i would just let it be the way it is now.
come to me if you're in need.
i am not running away.
and i guessed you're reading it by now.
ARGH! everyone now is getting on my nerve.
everyone. why cant just someone on earth just understand the situation im in.
why do i have to always let my tears out.
as im updating my blog right now.
tears are rolling down the cheek.
why cant i find someone to just treat me like how i should be treated.
[it easy for everyone to ask me to be strong when i am the on going through all those shits on my own. im all alone going through it. its so tough and you think its easy. everyone asked me to not to find for someone to be in my life. but do you think its easy. I FUCKING HAVE NO ONE TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS AND UNDERSTAND ME. do people around me know what im feeling deep inside. do people around me know all about my life. NO! NO ONE AT ALL. so people you're asking me to do all this. DO YOU EVEN SPARE A THOUGHT FOR ME. have you guys when through what im through now. WILL YOU GUYS BE THERE WHEN IM IN NEED OF YOU GUYS. you guys always say that you guys will be there but DO YOU!!!!!!! WHAT CAN YOU GUYS DO IF YOU'RE THERE YOU GUYS JUST LISTEN!!!!!!!!! THATS ALL!!!!!!!!]
im through all it now. i hate myself. i hate life. dont stop me anymore.
fcuk up life!
fuck you!
So Hurt
@ 20:05
♥ Monday, October 5, 2009
& out to open house.
its just me n my sis cam-whoring at my uncle place. my son is sleeping so no pictures of him.
i hardly get his pictures with his eyes wide open cause all he do is just sleep n drink his milk. so maybe sooner or later i will take his pictures. well yesterday the day was just off to my aunt at bukit merah n uncle at woodlands house. cause they were having an open house. so we went to their places lah. i wasnt feeling that well. im having a fever thou. well nothing much more to write. hope i get well soon.
shut it up.
you're just a HYPOCRITE.
So Hurt
@ 16:25
